This may actually have happened. Or Harvey McKinnon may have dreamt it. The following is a satirical piece.
In the wake of the release of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission report, today Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced the federal plan for follow-up.
"To show how much I care about Canada's First Nations," he stated at a press conference in a Mississauga Tim Hortons, "I'm appointing Sepp Blatter to implement recommendations from the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC).
Until his resignation on Tuesday, Blatter led FIFA, the governing body of world soccer, for nearly two decades. Following a police raid on a five-star hotel in Zurich and the arrest of seven of his FIFA officials on corruption charges, he is currently under investigation by U.S. law enforcement agencies.
Now Blatter is heading up Harper's team of qualified bureaucrats in charge of the TRC file.
"I think this will clearly demonstrate to First Nations exactly how much I care about the report, and them," said Harper, who paused only occasionally to watch the new Enbridge/Tim Horton's ad campaign on the in-store video screen.
"Mr. Blatter has demonstrated the level of leadership, integrity and sensitivity I expect from a Conservative Party appointee."
"I look forward to working with him and learning from him, in particular how he managed to amass a fortune working for a soccer organization."
In a phone interview, Blatter said he is thrilled by the Harper appointment. "I hear great things about Stephen Harper. He plays dirty, is also an authoritarian... he would've fit right in at FIFA."
When asked if he was up for the job of dealing with the Commission's recommendations, given his lack of experience in any area other than bribe-taking and corruption, Blatter said it would be "no problem."
"When I was a kid 127 years ago, I played Cowboys and Indians all the time. I think you know where my heart lies."
At the press conference, Prime Minister Harper stated that he wants the "Conservative base to know that when it comes to First Nations issues, they are clear exactly where I stand... on the necks of all First Nation peoples."
Harper concluded the conference by adding: "Not to be irreverent, but the truth is that as long as I'm Prime Minister there'll be no reconciliation."
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